Subject?

Ok, so here's the thing. Romantic comedies build unrealistic expectations. I think everyone knows that. But for me, beyond temporarily expecting my own life to follow that same overused script, the unrealistic expectations also extend to my own behavior. After watching Love Actually or Ever After (two of my favorites), I find myself possessed by a strange courage. Yes! The world really is that simple! I will tell him how I feel, and all will be well. Or even if he rejects me, at least I will feel good about having spoken up.

Bullshit.

That euphoric feeling of "Act now!" doesn't stick. It certainly doesn't last long enough for me to put it into action, let on alone any permanent basis. So then I am plagued by unfinishable questions. "Should I have-?" "Do you think he-?" "What if I-?" Etcetera. And do you know what? They're the same questions I ask anyway. Even if all I'd done today was laundry (which I meant to, but that's another story), the exact same thoughts would still be using my brain as a treadmill. Only now there's also this sense of let-down. Of having been cheated. Of something not done.

But I wouldn't have done it. Even if he had been sitting right next to me at the peak of my cinema-induced bravery, I would still have kept my thoughts quiet. In fact, I think he has been sitting right next to me, and I didn't say a damn thing. So while I can instantly recognize my post-viewing fantasies as the fabrications they are, I actually believe for at least a few hours that this time I will do something different.

...

Which reminds me. It's 2009. Resolutions are traditional, are they not? I have two this year. I had two last year. Whether by accident or unconscious design, each of my pairs seems to have come with one labeled "possible" and the other labeled "likely." Though last year I was surprised by which one stuck, so we'll see. I guess that's what this year is for, right? Finding out?

Oh, right. The resolutions.
1) No more soda.
2) Learn to breathe algebra.

Good luck, everyone, and have a fulfilling year!